Changes

Have you watched the tv commercial of an instant pancit canton? Where the daughter asks “Ma, mahirap po ba magbuntis?” Then the mother reply, “Mas mahirap maging ina.” I thought nothing could top my giving birth on the list of my tough things to undergo. But I was wrong. I was VERY wrong. Giving birth is only the beginning of the whole motherhood drama.

As I’m writing this, my son is soundly sleeping. After a series of attempts of putting him to sleep, finally he dozes off. Now I’m experiencing it firsthand. It’s not easy being a mother. My first four weeks of being a parent, I was so exhausted, so disoriented, and so emotional. Well, I’m still exhausted and sleep deprived. But now I’m adjusting little by little. I remember one time when Riley awakens around 1 am. He can’t seem to fall asleep. So I’ve done everything in my power to make him fall asleep. Just when I thought he was asleep, he’ll cry nonstop again. His outburst continues till 5 am. You can’t imagine how frustrated I was! I was going crazy! Occurrences like that make me feel drained. It’s like I don’t have the energy to go on for another day. But I have to do it every day. I have to take care of him. Bathe him. Feed him. Carry him. AKO. AKO. Puro na lang AKO! Hehe. Although my mother and sister help me, I know it’s my responsibility ALONE. I’m not complaining but it’s really hard. So my warning to those planning to have a baby, if you’re not really ready, DONT do it.

Hay. In a few minutes, he will wake up. Time to be a mother again. Sometimes, it’s easy to figure out what he wants. Most of the times, it’s a long and complicated process. But no matter what his mood is, I LOVE MY SON SO MUCH!!!