I always read quotes like this but it is only while I was riding a bus on the way to Divisoria that it hit me, shot me right through my heart and moved me to tears. The truth? I want to get married. To daddyfriend. To have a happy ending. To have my own fairytale. But subconsciously, I want to get married to save me and Riley. That if only we're married, people won't say nasty things about my personal life. I want to get married to save Riley from all the questions, embarrassment, humiliation that people would throw at him upon knowing his parents are not married. I want Riley to be spared from his parents mistakes. I would give up everything to protect him. And if marrying someone would stop them from attacking us, I would do it in a heartbeat.
But its not always about me. Or other people. (To hell, what they think about me from now on.) I believe in the higher power. Someone up there who knows the deepest desire of my heart. There is a reason why daddyfriend and I can't be together. Or why we can't get married. Maybe I won't really like having someone to call mine. Maybe I won't like it if I have to ask permission first if I can go some place. Maybe I can not stand the betrayal, doubting, jealousy or misunderstanding. Maybe I cannot be a good wife and I cannot stand the heartbreak and the compromises a marriage involves. I would like to think of myself as a bird. Free to do what I want with my son flying along with me. The two of us are happy like this. Maybe we'll only need each other - me and Riley, Riley and me. I punish myself for so long thinking I was immoral for having a child out of marriage. But come to think of it, that child has given me a life. Oo nga ako nagluwal sa kanya sa mundo pero ang totoo siya ang nagbigay ng buhay sakin. Before Riley, I was dead. I was reborn when he came. Riley is meant to come in my life the time and the way he did.
I won't question God's plan for me from now on. If God's plan for me is to be a single mother in this lifetime, then that's the BESTest plan for me! Wag na kayo kumontra. Bakit mas magaling ba kayo kay God?! ;)
tama yan, di lang naman ikaw ang single mom.. hindi sagot ang kasal para pagtakpan ang pagkakaroon ng anak.. minsan mas masaya pa nga na kayo lang dalawa.. wag mo pansinin sinasabi ng ibang tao,wala naman silang alam sa mga nangyayari..
ReplyDeletesalamat che!
Deletehi joyce!musta?i really love reading your blogs it really inspires me..hindi man ako kasing galing mong blogger eh mailabas ko lang ung nsa isip at puso ko ayos na hehe..joyce how can i get kaya your mobile number or kahit email..hindi ko na maituloy ung blog site ko eh hehe..hihingi lang ako ng advice..hope to hear from you soon..thanks
ReplyDeletehello mehanne! sorry ha ngayon ko lng nakita itong comment mo kya ngayon lng ako nkreply. SALAMAT talaga ng mraming marami dhil sinusubaybayan mo ang blog ko :) Sigurado ako kayang kaya mo rin mgblog kya sulat lng ng sulat. tuloy mo lng. isulat mo lng kung ano ang nasa puso mo! ako nga alam mo konti lng din ang follower ko s blog ko. pro i don't care! basta mgbblog ako kht wlang nkkappreciate. kasi dito ako masaya. khit random topic basta inspired k, blog mo lng. you can do it. here's my email add joycie1001@yahoo.com. msg mo q tpos send ko cp no. q. mhirap dito ipost and cp. no ko bk dumami ang textmate ko. hehe. feel free to contact me or ask anything! at sna mgsulat kp s mgnda mong blog. follower mo kya ako dun kya cgrdo mbabasa ko agad pg my post k. okie?! go mehanne! :P
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