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Last night, I've done something I have never done in a long time - to cry my heart out. I'm just so sad. When I remember how my father looks in the hospital yesterday, I can't help my tears. My father has been diagnosed with liver cirrhosis. He's been too weak this past few days. It felt like years when in fact its just a month when I last saw him healthier and stronger. Pinuntahan ko pa xa nun sa bahay nila. Sabi ko kung pwede nya kami ihatid sa graduation ni riley. Umoo xa dahil hindi naman nya natatanggihan si riley. One week later, bgla na lang tinawagan ako ni eddieboy dahil sumumpong daw ang sakit ng ama. After that, I never saw his usual self. 

You know, I've never been close to him and I know I'm his least favorite child. But that doesn't change the fact that he is my father and I love him. We all love him despite his shortcomings. Ang ina, si ate, si janice, lalong lalo na si eddieboy. Our family is far from perfect. We all have our own mistakes and few times we clash. But still we love and look after one another. That's the thing about love. It doesn't need reasons. It doesn't need justifications. We are a family and we are facing this test as a family. 

I don't know what's going to happen to him. And that is what scares me most. I can't stand watching him suffer and to go through all that pain. I just want him to be healthy and strong again. I want to see him eat all the food he wants. I want him to be able to carry Riley in his arms again. I want him to get better so he can drive us somewhere. I don't want him in the hospital. I don't like what the doctors are doing with his body. Gusto ko andito xa sa bahay, malakas, kahit plagi nya ako pinagsasabihan. 

I wish everything is back the way it used to be. I don't want a life without a father. :(